


the 1

by cjtobycaptain



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjtobycaptain/pseuds/cjtobycaptain
Summary: "but we were something don't you think so" / "we had it good there for a while"
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler, Josh Lyman/Donna Moss, Zoey Bartlet/Charlie Young
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn’t though 

toby always said he would go back to new york after working in the white house. his move to teaching at columbia was unsurprising, he had always been rather pedantic, and instructing suited him. new york always held a special place in his heart. not necessarily the people, but in the dead of winter his eyes played tricks on him weekly. he always found himself convinced he saw one of his oldest friends, cj cregg at bus stops in passing. it hurt his feelings much more than he cared to admit. 

cj, on the other hand, knew she would go back to california. that doesn’t stop her from looking for toby everywhere she looks. earlier in the month of may, when it truly started getting hot in santa monica, she had gazed out the window of a starbucks and could have sworn on everything she saw toby sitting at the bus stop. there was no chance it was him, but it would have been nice. 

maybe it was the pictures of them at josh and donna’s wedding that came up as memories on facebook, or that instance in starbucks that convinced cj it was a good idea to try and reconnect with toby. sure, the pair had exchanged emails back and forth a few times over the course of the past few years. he always seemed reach out around the holidays, he would ask her how danny and nellie were doing. cj would answer in mere hours, providing all of the updates on how nellie was doing in school, the stories danny was writing, and glossed over her own personal life. rather than wait for the holidays, cj decided to reach out first. 

when toby’s computer chimed with an email notification he was tempted to slam the whole thing shut and give up working for the day. it was early may, which meant the semester was coming to an end and he had quite literally hundreds of emails from students asking what they could do to round a 69 to a 70. the name claudia jean popped up at the top of his inbox. he didn’t recall having a student by that name -he would have remembered that- but he also didn’t believe there was any need for _that_ claudia jean he knew to be emailing him… maybe she was one of the college recruiters reaching out to ask about whether or not huck was going to commit to their college for baseball. 

his curiosity got the better of him. he opened the inbox, and couldn’t even make a solid attempt to hide his surprise and excitement that the email waiting for him was from none other than the claudia jean he knew and, let's be honest here, loved. the blue light of his laptop screen illuminated his apartment while he took in all of her words. motherhood suited her, he had decided this long ago when he met nellie at josh and donna’s wedding. cj raved about her daughter for four paragraphs. she was playing basketball at school and auditioning for the play, and was dearly loved by her mother. 

buried just at the end of her motherly gushing toby reads “i don’t know why i’m even telling you this, but danny and i have decided to throw around the idea of separating. he works really long hours, but then in the hours that i do see him we tend to argue. i’m not sure what nellie will think, or how she’ll cope. molly and huck turned out alright though didn’t they! josh told me molly wants to go to school here in california and that huck has a lot of baseball offers. i’ll use this as another opportunity to tell you to make _some_ form of social media. the bartlets would love to see pictures of the kids, and i would too.”

his heart does backflips in his chest. why? had toby been spending the last 12 years of his life wondering if the two of them would be able to fix the relationship they one had? yeah. no doubt about it. the somewhat impersonal yearly conversations they had weren’t enough to consider their friendship back on the level it had been. this bit of information felt like that had crossed some sort of metaphorical bridge. he knew it was best to get back to her right away, why would he let this opportunity pass him by?

the next hour was spent penning a response. he told her, in great detail, about molly and huck’s college search. molly was obsessed with the idea of leaving the east coast, so toby had been trying his hardest to steer her towards ucla berkeley. huck on the other hand had no particularly attachment to a location, he just wanted to play baseball. his best offer was from penn state, and toby secretly hoped he’d take it so he wouldn’t be trying to pay for two expensive out of state tuitions. then, he writes about 3 paragraphs about how much he hates the idea of joining social media. sure, he’d love for zoey and charlie to see his kids and to one day see theirs, and he’d love to give everyone updates on his kids, but he really didn’t know how to use it and didn’t want to friend andy’s entire family nor did he want to be at all in the public eye. 

then, for good measure, he gave his two cents on danny. yes, she probably already knew that she deserved better than that kind of relationship. in the long run nellie would do very well in life because sometimes it is far worse to stay. and, for good measure, he informed her “you’ll be shocked to find out that i have partially joined the 21st century and have an iphone now. call me if there’s anything you need, okay?” he quickly typed the phone number he had been keeping a secret from most people, and signed “love always, toby.” the truth of the statement tugged at his heartstrings. 

it felt right, and he stuck by his decision. it was nearing midnight in new york city, which meant it would be around 9 pm in california. toby secretly hoped that she would answer, and was tempted to stay awake to see, but he had an 8:30 am lecture and decided it would be best to take the last bit of time he had before finals to prepare his students. 

cj had been doing a lot of writing and teaching, being featured at a guest professor every few semesters at her alma mater and working on a few books. her days were spent at various coffee shops, in contact with a few different family lawyers, and most importantly, reflecting on the people she missed. of course she’d always had a soft spot for toby; it was impossible for everyone else to ignore it too.

she talked to donna almost every day, they’d swap a few recipes and plan family christmas gatherings, and of course josh still felt like a pesky younger brother, always sending her the most random things he could find on the internet and leading her down rabbit holes of information. he wanted donna to run for congress, and apparently she was really considering it. every now and again she’d get a phone call from abbey with an update on jed and the gaggle of grandkids he liked to keep at the farm. those calls would always end with a “heard from toby at all?” and a simple “no.. not since december…” 

the chime of her email notification took her by surprise, it was just past 9 p.m., and she didn’t think toby would have possibly replied so quickly, but her heart soared when she saw his name in the notification tab of her computer. she was sprawled out on the couch downstairs in her office, book manuscripts haphazardly strewn about the room and pictures of the entire bartlet administration adorning the walls. on her desk, just behind a picture of her and danny with nellie, was a picture of cj and toby on one of the couches in the oval office, her head nestled on her shoulder, reading some memo and clutching a cup of coffee. she’s laughing at him and he’s laughing at her. the context of the moment is lost to the ages, but the tenderness remains forever. as cj is practically soaking up all of his words, laughing at the fact that he thinks he’d never be able to figure out social media, much less enjoy it. she’s in an absolute trance and doesn’t even hear the first knock on the door. or the second. the third, however, jars her from the bliss of reminiscence and is a painful reminder that the greatest loves of all time were over now. 

“yeah?” she calls, waiting for either nellie or danny to enter. she slowly closes her laptop as she sees her husband push the door open, and he watches her, brows furrowing. 

“writing something?” he asks, it's a simple question, but his tone is loaded. 

“no. just reading an article josh sent me.” that wasn’t entirely a lie, there was a tab open with an article he had sent to cj earlier in the week that she had just never gotten around to reading. 

“oh that’s nice. what about?” he’s baiting her, she realizes, but she’s already in too deep. 

“um... it’s a really interesting opinion article in the new york times. it’s just a comparison of white house staff turnover rates really- did you know jed had a really solid record on that?” her voice trails off, and a guilty look clouds her face. 

“alright then. i was just coming to say goodnight i guess. if you care.” danny knows that she is lying, and he seems both hurt and unsurprised at the same time. 

“danny, of course i care. why would you say that?” she’s hurt too, but maybe not for the right reasons. 

what really gets her is that toby was adamant in his reply to her that she would be much better off leaving the danny situation behind her. what hurts is he had said this to her several times before cj and danny even got married. what hurts is that cj knows if things had been a little different, she wouldn’t be in this situation right now. 

“i’m saying it because you told me you don’t think things are working out for us.” danny turns without another word and leaves her office, and he doesn’t bother to look back as he shuts the door either. 

cj rubs her temples and takes a few deep breaths before opening her laptop back up again. she skims the beginning of his email again, excitedly making note of molly’s dream to go to college in california. she quickly asks siri to remind her to write a letter of recommendation for her. cj’s eyes linger on the bit of advice he’s offered about danny. nellie would be better off. it must be so depressing to watch your parents hardly speak to each other if they aren’t arguing. 

her eyes light up when she reads “you’ll be shocked to find out that i have partially joined the 21st century and have an iphone now. call me if there’s anything you need, okay?” and a phone number. toby had been something of a recluse in the last decade, and the fact that he was comfortable sharing this with her meant more than he would probably know. she quickly creates a contact for him, and feels a sense of relief after tapping save. 

a small knock on her office door can only be one person, nellie. cj gets up to open it, and is greeted by her daughter. each time she sees the lanky, somewhat awkward girl she can’t help but smile. even with the way things are going with her and danny, nellie is a reminder of when things were good, and she loves her for that. “going to bed sweetie?” cj asks, hugging her daughter and planting a gentle kiss at the top of her head. 

“yeah. dad said you were hiding out in here so i came to say g’night.” nellie’s voice is muffled by their embrace, and even if she doesn’t realize it the words hurt cj.

“i’m not hiding love. just really busy is all.” 

“okay. love you…” nellie shuffles out of the room, and smiles once more at her mom as she watches cj close the door behind her. 

cj plops back down on the couch, and makes a mental list of things she needs to do tomorrow. at 8:30 she would be dropping nellie off at school and at 9:00 she was meeting with a lawyer named ky sorely who she was pretty sure she trusted to handle the divorce smoothly. other than making sure to pick nellie up after school and get her to basketball practice, it would be a calm day. so she decides to get some sleep now. 

she isn’t so sure she can handle sleeping in the same bed as danny anymore. cj picks up the papers on the couch to pile them up on the coffee table, she can’t ignore the irony of seeing the book her and danny had at one point wanted to write together. she also can’t ignore the fact that it’s a bit sad to be sleeping on the couch in her office. with a heavy hearted sigh, she migrates to the living room to take a quilt made by abbey off the back of the couch and then gets water from the kitchen. cj returns to her office and begins to try and make herself comfortable on the couch. it isn’t hard, per say, but her thoughts are still racing. her phone is resting on the coffee table, and she grabs it one last time to look at toby’s newly made contact. part of her is scared she dreamt that whole bit of his email, that there won’t even be a contact there when she goes to look. but, of course, there is one. she taps on the grey default icon and goes to select a contact picture. luckily enough, she has a copy of that picture on her desk buried deep in her favorites folder. 

after a few minutes of examining that picture, she locks her phone and tries to drift off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**and if you never bleed you’re never gonna grow.**

it had been 12 years since toby had last seen cj, but every time he pictured her she was still the fiery, strong, and complex woman he had grown to love. her emails didn’t indicate that she had changed a bit, and he was glad for that. when cj put her career on hold for danny it didn’t sit right with him; he had never liked danny and he liked cj choosing him over her political success even less. he never would have done that to her, and she probably knew it. 

it was getting colder in new york, toby dreaded the incoming winter weather. he was fine with the dips in temperature but he had never been a fan of snow. snow always reminded him of families and how he didn’t have one. his thoughts drifted to warmer places, california specifically, he had never had a proper stay there, but probably would have loved to visit cj. see the beaches, disneyland, hollywood, and whatever other touristy things she would insist on taking him to. 

back in reality california, cj was sitting in a cafe with a family lawyer. she felt completely numb as ky explained to her that unless her and danny could come to an agreement on their own, she wouldn’t actually need to be involved. part of cj wonders how hard danny will fight for custody, but a bigger part of her wonders if she cares about what he wants. deep down, she doesn’t. it was hard to now, he had disregarded what she wanted for years. ky continues explaining intellectual property rules and what she advises cj about doing with the house. after an awkward silence cj takes a deep breath and says, “so if we can agree on everything on our own we don’t need court?” she felt better that way, if she didn’t have to sit down and argue with danny one last time for the world to see she could at least feel better about the situation. 

she wrapped up her meeting with ky and thanked her for all the time she had put into helping her out. she sits in the car for a little bit, thinking about all of her options. after coming to the conclusion that she was okay with danny having custody half the time and keeping the house, she starts to drive to nellie’s school. there’s a sinking feeling as she realizes all of this will be finalized by christmas. thanksgiving had just passed, and even though cj tried to keep it civil and enjoyable for the three of them, dinner completely descended into chaos and ended with cj telling danny she didn’t care if he choked on the dry turkey he had ruined by picking a fight while she was cooking. 

nellie rushes to the car, throwing her backpack down in the backseat and sitting next to her mom in the front. “hiya mom! guess who we talked about today in social studies?” nellie’s cheeks were flushed and she was smiling bigger than cj thought was possible. 

“hmm. george washington?” cj already knew her class must have been talking about jed, or else nellie wouldn’t have been this interested, but watching her daughter look exasperated at how her mom who worked for the man couldn’t immediately guess that was too amusing to pass up.

“no mom. but we did talk about a president. just not him.” nellie is already frustrated with her mom and is doing a terrible job of being subtle about it. 

“alright then, abe lincoln? we should visit illinois.” cj is trying hard not to laugh, but the serious frown that nellie’s lips were pressed into was so funny.

“mom there’s nothing to see in illinois. and we didn’t talk about him today either.” this was too good to give up just yet, and cj is ready to guess john f kennedy, dwight d eisenhower, and anyone else that comes to her mind but then nellie abruptly goes, “you should know this. we talked about president bartlet. i told my whole class you worked for him.” 

“well did they believe you?” it always shocked teachers to learn that during parent teacher conferences, and nellie’s small group of friends didn’t believe it the first dozen times it was mentioned either.

“well ms. curry believed me. and jules who sits next to me believed it too.” nellie is incredibly proud of herself for this, like she had been working for jed that whole time. 

“that’s nice, i’ll ask your teacher if she wants me to come in some time to talk about it with the class. anything else about the bartlets?” she asks, making a mental note to email ms. curry. 

“someone asked what you do when you’re doing being president and i said that you get to live on a farm in new hampshire and then ms. curry said that’s not true for everyone.” nellie seems bothered by that fact, and it’s really cute. 

“we’ll have to visit the bartlets again sometime then. i’ll talk to josh and donna about going too, they can bring the kids.” cj suggests 

“oo i also told ‘em how aunt donna and uncle josh worked for him too and that’s how they met.” it warmed cj’s heart to hear nellie talk like that, josh and donna were her unofficial godparents and even though it was hard to see them often. 

“well that’s also how your dad and i met.” cj added, confused as to why that wasn’t her first association with the bartlet administration. 

“yeah but you and dad don’t like each other anymore.” nellie replies quietly, once again hurting cj’s feelings more than she knows. 

toby’s hands are beet red from the cold, and he’s cursing himself for removing the gloves from his jacket pocket. a quick trip to pick up dinner should not have taken him over an hour to accomplish, but anything is possible in new york city. he ran into three other professors in his department who wanted to make christmas party plans- to which he replied “i don’t really celebrate”- as well as eight or so people asking him to sign petitions or take fliers which he all ignored. 

once in the door he sets his now lukewarm dinner down and runs his freezing hands under hot water to warm them up. he doesn’t immediately notice his phone vibrating on the counter, and when he reaches for it he sees he has a missed call from a number he’s never seen before. assuming it was just a telemarketer or spam he goes about the rest of his evening. six more final essays to grade from his introduction to political writing class, and he had a date with that chinese takeout and the nightly news. 

the hours pass by as he methodically works at grading. first, finding any grammatical or syntactical errors that he could. then, he would evaluate the thesis and supporting paragraphs, then adjust the grade accordingly if the student was one that didn’t rip their thoughts on politics from the internet. it was a slow and steady process that he took solace in. 

before long, he noticed it was nearing midnight so he decided to give up for the night and start getting ready to go to sleep. it was friday, which meant he would only have one department meeting tomorrow at noon and the last of his grading to get done. unless he had scheduled something he didn’t remember, he would be free most of the day. to double check this, he opened his phone to track down the reminders app. toby is distracted by the bright red circle signaling there was a new voicemail. it was from the number he hadn’t recognized and let ring. normally, he’d just never listen to it and delete it after a few weeks, but he had an odd feeling about this one. when he raised his phone to his ear to hear the message, he felt his stomach drop.

“hey toby it's me, cj. i figured you wouldn’t pick up since you don’t have my number but i was wondering if you were free to talk at all. i’m not sure who else i can talk to about this really… sorry if you were sleeping too, i always forget we aren’t in the same timezone. okay i guess just call me when you can. or text, that works too.”

cj sounds like a wreck on the other end, and it breaks his heart. he shakes his head and immediately begins to dial her number, hoping that she’ll answer.

“toby?” her voice is hushed, but its cj. 

“cj?” her name feels weird to say out loud, after all this time, but it’s a good kind of weird. 

“sorry for the message earlier i know it was probably alarming i just-”

“what? no don’t apologize to me. i’ve told you not to do that.” he’s always been particularly protective of cj, and it never really went away. once, a student remarked that she could have handled something trivial better and he almost made the poor girl cry. 

“i just really don’t have anyone to get me through this,” cj says, sounding hollow. “donna’s running for congress and josh is managing her campaign so i can’t put this all on them right now.”

“you have me, cj.” he has never nor will ever be an incredibly touchy person, it isn’t in his nature, but he would sprint the length of the country that separated them to be able to hug her. 

“did i wake you up?” she asks, clearly hoping to avoid the conversation.

“do you think i go to bed at 8 pm?” he replies dryly, hoping she’ll appreciate their normal banter. 

“you’re like a whole decade older than me so yes,” she replies with a laugh. “i really wasn’t sure what time it was. i called right after dropping nellie off at basketball.” 

“what’d she say about the divore?” toby asks. only one thing could have thrown cj off like this, even if nellie didn’t mean it. 

“well her social studies class talked about jed today. she told everyone how i worked for him and how her aunt donna and uncle josh met because of jed,” she begins to explain, feeling a little embarrassed “so i reminded her that i met danny because of working in the white house and she goes, ‘yeah but you guys don’t like each other anymore’ toby.” 

“oh.” he doesn’t have a real reply for her. there really isn’t anything he can say to erase the fact that nellie said that. 

“yeah.” cj’s voice cracks, and it sounds like she’s holding back tears. 

“at least you never had to explain that you bought a house for your ex wife after getting her pregnant with twins long after getting divorced.” he offers, thinking back on how molly laughed at him and said it was the stupidest thing she had heard in a long time. 

“no i know it’s- sorry i have to go. thank you.” cj hangs up hastily, leaving toby concerned.

“who was that?” danny asks, peeking his head into cj’s office.

“donna.” cj says almost as soon as she hears him start to speak. 

danny gives her a quizzical look, like he doesn’t fully believe her but also doesn’t want to know if she’s being honest. something about telling him she was talking to toby feels like it would cause an argument, even though all she was doing was catching up with her old friend. sort of. 

“how is she? i wanted to write a thing about how she was just an assistant in the white house and is now running for congress.” it feels like he’s testing her a little, but if danny was a quick thinker then cj thought at the speed of light.

“well she’s good. the kids want a dog but josh said no. i’m sure she’d be okay with that if you ask.” cj had no clue if the lyman kids really were begging for a dog, but maybe they were. 

“speaking of kids….” danny’s voice trails off. 

cj grimmances, she knew this question was coming soon enough but she didn't want to talk about it. “yeah?” she asks, wondering if maybe he’ll bring up something completely different. 

“how’d it go with the lawyer?” there it was. 

“oh it was fine. turns out unless we can’t agree about custody of nellie and the house we won’t really have to worry.” cj watches danny process this, and mentally tries to prepare for whatever he’ll say next. 

“that’s a lot to think about.” he muses, while running a hand through his hair. 

“i understand if you think it’s too early to decide but ky thinks we could have this squared away by christmas. if that’s what you want.” cj winces. danny loved christmas, and they spent a lot of good ones together, even before they were together. it felt a little wrong to do to him now. 

“none of this is what i want.” he replies cooly, before leaving her office without another word. cj sighs and looks down at her phone. 

the text from toby reads “hope all is o.k. goodnight cj.” and she can’t help but smile at it. 

“never better. go to bed grandpa.” she replies, feeling better than she had all day. almost immediately she gets the notification that toby has disliked her message. 

“call me whenever you’re free tomorrow” he replies. 

for some reason, cj’s heart flutters. she was suddenly excited to go to sleep to figure out when she’d be free during the day to call him. she decides to chalk it all up to nostalgia. he was once her closest friend, and even if he never said so she knew that she had been his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh i am FLOORED by all of the nice comments on chapter 1. i've been talking about this fic with my friends since folklore came out, and now that taylor has given us the gift that is evermore, i have about 18370495 new ideas (champagne problems anyone?) but seriously thank you all so much for the kind words, i hope this is what you were envisioning for them next. i'm still not sure how long this will be and i'm not 100% sure where it's going but i hope you'll be along for the ride.


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